Exotic Drinks With Dirty Names
Have you ever been at a bar and wanting to impress your date, or the cute bartender, or just some random man or woman? It’s proven that the best way to break the ice with someone is to make them laugh. And if you can make them laugh with some slightly (or blatantly) off-color humor, all the better. Here are some drinks to provide that initial social lubrication.
Of course, before you get into the main seduction, a little softening up is required. So why not start with the nipples? There’s the Buttery Nipple, which is 1 oz DeKuyper® Buttershots liqueur and 1/2 oz Irish cream. A buttery nipple will, of course, lead to a Slippery Nipple, which is 1/2 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream and 1/2 oz butterscotch schnapps. This might lead to a Blowjob (1/4 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream and 1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur), or even Deep Throat (1/2 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream, 1/2 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur and 1/2 oz whipped cream). Of course, a gentleman will follow this up with an invitation to Sit On My Face (1/3 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur,1/3 oz Frangelico® hazelnut liqueur and 1/3 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream). Any or all of these will inevitably lead to a Creamy Pussy (1 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream and 1 oz Tequila Rose® strawberry cream liqueur). This will result in a Wyoming Legspreader (1 full Coke, 0.5 shot Grain Alcohol and 2 shots Raspberry Liqueur). This might turn your future lover (especially one of the redheaded variety) into a Strawberry Stripper (5 oz. Orange Juice, 1 oz. 7-Up, splash Grenadine and 1 oz. Strawberry Schnapps) and give you the opportunity to see their Orange Bush (1/4 oz. Vodka and 1 oz. Orange Juice).
THE MAIN EVENT
Once that is achieved, it’s time for the main event. Time to get right down to it. Once you get your future lover Between the Sheets (1 oz brandy, 1/2 oz light rum, 1/2 oz triple sec and sweet and sour mix), you might invite them to A Slow, Comfortable Screw (1 oz sloe gin, 1/2 oz Southern Comfort® peach liqueur and orange juice) or even a Royal F*** (2 parts Crown Royal, 1 part Sour Apple Pucker and 1 part Cranberry Juice). If you’re lucky, she may invite you to “Pop My Cherry” (1/2 oz cherry vodka, 1/4 oz triple sec and 1/4 oz orange juice) and discover that she has a Tight Snatch (ice, 1 shot vodka, 1 shot peach schnapps, orange juice and cranberry juice). Then you can tell her “Bend Over, Shirley” (1 1/2 oz raspberry vodka, 4 oz Sprite® soda, and 3/4 oz Rose’s® grenadine syrup). Of course, if you want to give her an Orgasm (1/2 oz. white Creme de Cacao, 1/2 oz. Amaretto almond liqueur, 1/2 oz. Triple Sec, 1/2 oz. vodka and 1 oz. light cream), or even a Screaming Orgasm (1 oz vodka, 1 1/2 oz Bailey’s® Irish cream and 1/2 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur), you may need some Liquid Viagra (1 shot Jagermeister® herbal liqueur and 1/3 can Red Bull® energy drink). She’ll think that you’re a real Sex Machine (1.5 oz. Coffee Liqueur and 1.5 oz. Irish Cream).
ON THE KINKY SIDE
Of course, once you’ve made that initial breakthrough, you might move things on to some more… esoteric things. You could have Sex On The Beach (1 1/2 oz vodka, 1/2 oz peach schnapps, 2 oz cranberry juice and 2 oz orange juice), a Golden Shower (1 oz Stolichnaya® vodka, 1 oz orange juice, 1/2 oz fresh lemon juice, 1 splash triple sec and ginger ale) or even, if you’re very lucky, a Menage A Trois (1 oz. dark rum, 1 oz. Triple Sec and 1 oz. light cream).
HAVE FUN AT THE BAR
With these naughty drinks, you’re sure to impress the pants off of your future lover. Have fun at the bar!